Much Ado about WD-40

My July “Banter from the Burbs” column may look familiar to you longtime Angie’s Humor Blog readers…but you can never review the benefits of WD-40 too many times, is what I say.

So here it is…

MUCH ADO ABOUT WD-40
By Angie Brennan

You may have already seen that e-mail making the rounds proclaiming “2000 uses for WD-40.” I was impressed that someone would have taken the time to discover all these uses, let alone type them out. At first glance, you might think some of these ideas aren’t very practical. You would be right. Here are a few of the more intriguing ones, along with a scenario I pictured for each:

CLEANS VACUUM CLEANER DIALS

“So glad you could stop by for a cup of coffee, Kate.”

“Thanks for inviting me, Sandra. You certainly have a lovely–oh, my.”

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s your carpet. I don’t like to say it, Sandra, but it looks as if it hasn’t been vacuumed since the Reagan administration.”

“First or second term?”

“The fact is, Sandra, your carpet needs help.”

“I don’t understand, Kate! I’m sure I had the dirt-toleration dial on my vacuum cleaner set to Low.”

“And yet, Sandra, it’s difficult to know for certain when the dial is so filthy. Let’s clean it off using my purse-sized bottle of WD-40 and take a look.”

“Oh, Kate, I’m so embarrassed! Looks like the dirt toleration dial was actually set to Extra-High! What would I do without friends like you?”

“Probably even less housework than you do already, Sandra.”

LUBRICATES WHEELS OF HOMEMADE MONORAIL SYSTEMS

“Billy! BILLY! Get down here!”

“Here I am.”

“I’ve been calling you down to dinner for nearly ten minutes, Billy. What took so long?”

“Sorry, Mom–I had to walk down the stairs.”

“Walk? What about our homemade monorail system?”

“No go. It’s jammed.”

“Oh, no! Guess this means you won’t be able to take out the trash tonight.”

“Not if I can’t get this thing running.”

“Wait a minute, Billy–what if we tried some WD-40?”

“Let me try….hey, it works! Good thinking, Mom!”

“Thanks, Billy. Now go ahead and set the table. I’m going to ride over to the fridge and get the Worcestershire sauce.”

LUBRICATES FLAG ON MAILBOX

“Bob, did you mail the payment for my subscription to ‘The WD-40 Enthusiast?’”

“I couldn’t, Sarah.”

“Why not?”

“The mailbox flag is sticking again. I can’t ask the mail carrier to endure that awful squeak when he pushes the flag back down…I just can’t.”

“Well, of course not, Bob, we’re not monsters. What are we going to do?”

“WD-40–that’s what. Watch this…”

“Incredible! Now the flag moves up and down with nary a peep!”

“Mail away, Sarah. And in the future, I know who won’t keep asking whether your subscription is worth the price!”

And the list goes on…shines outdoor sculptures, protects bayonets from rust while stored in sheaths, protects metal bars on glockenspiels…I think we can all rest easier knowing that, in the midst of life’s little dramas, WD-40 will be there to help. In fact, I think I’ll run down to the store and get a few extra cans. Just as soon as I get my homemade monorail system up and running.